We've all read about tennis parents behaving badly. It's part of junior tennis and something we have to deal with when we bring our children to tournaments. There are annoyances, from little things like coaching during matches to larger problems like parents who stand idly by as their child cheats, cries on the court, or shows bas sportsmanship until an official steps in. The worst thing you can do as a tennis parent is condone bad behavior - it just sends the message that such antics are acceptable.

I was lucky that I could play tennis well at a young age, but I was even luckier to have parents who didn't obsess over my practice schedule or my wins and losses. There are plenty of cases of good tennis parenting out there: What better examples do you need than Roger Federer and Rafael Nadal? Both of them are courteous, humble, and friendly, and their parents shy away from the spotlight. Great tennis player can be nice people, and great tennis parents can be kind and gentle. The chances that your child will grow up to play like Federer or Badal are smaller than small, so it's better to worry about whether your child is a good person on the tennis court, rather than merely a good player. Here are some guidelines to keep you on the right path.

Build up, don't tear down. Before you say a word to your child about tennis, whether it's after practice or after a match, ask yourself, Am I building my child's self-esteem, or am I tearing it down? Tennis should be a positive experience, even when the results don't go in your child's favor.

Don't ask. If your child plays a practice match, don't ask if he or she won or lost. Children should play practice matches and compete because competition teaches a lot about the game. Don't suggest to your children that they must win all the time - even in practice - to gain your approval. If they are giving 100 percent and working on their games, that's all you can ask of them.

Quiet, please! Don't cause a distraction during your child's match by talking too loudly, trying to get their attention, or illegally coaching. It's your child's match, so try not to play a role in the outcome.

Don't clap for errors. In junior tennis, most points end in unforced errors. This is nothing to celebrate, so don't cheer when your child's opponent makes a mistake. It's nice to see when someone like Oracene Price (see "Words of Wisdom," opposite) cheers for an opponent's winners.

Talk about something else. If you want to talk tennis before a tournament, go ahead. But don't talk tennis all the time. Your relationship with your child is about more than the game.

Skip a tournament. You don't need to watch every match your child plays. This can put pressure on your child. Take some time for yourself and tend to other matters during a tournament. The same goes for practice. It's fine to drop your child off at the courts and tell him or her that you'll return when practice ends.

One loss, one hour. After a loss, anxiety runs high for both kids and parents. My advice? Don't say anything about the match to your child for an hour after a loss. It's difficult to do, but try to stay off-topic and show support. Later you can talk constructively about the match.

Congratulate good behavior. You can do more than reprimand bad behavior. When your child behaves well during a match, let him or her know that you noticed. Nice gestures, like saying, "good shot," or handling an opponent the balls on a changeover, should be commended.

They're opponents, not enemies. This isn't war, it's tennis. As soon as two children shake hands, the competition is over. Tennis offers kids a great chance to make new friends.

Take your child's temperature. If you feel like your child isn't trying hard, ask, "Are you enjoying the game?" If he or she isn't ask why. How competitive does your child want to be? Are you asking him or her to be competitive for your sake? These are questions you want to ponder from time to time. Most important, don't forget that children need to feel like they play a role in decisions about their tennis. The game is for them, so don't make all the rules for them. A happy, well-balanced child is the ultimate goal.